Thankful Thoughts

I'm not sure how you feel about the last year, good ol' 2016, but it's been a wild ride, and its gone by rather quick...

Here we are at the end of November. Another thanksgiving and another holiday season upon us. It's daunting, exhausting and stressful. But I am grateful. I have successfully gotten my solo project off the ground. It still has some flight to take, but it's beginning, and I'm excited. 

This time last year I was starting to get in the studio with my favorite collaborators, and we had no idea what it would turn into. I was teetering between another band, with a band name, and true to form, things fall apart so that the right things can come together. I decided to take this journey, this 5th musical endeavor really, in a different direction. I've been trying to make music happen for along time now, were talking since I was 13 with my first band.. Thats 18 years now. I'm not gunna focus on that fact that much, cause im still working on not letting that make me feel like a failure. Wow, 18 years, and what have I to show for it... Hmm. I have done some cool things through music. Ive certainly met the most amazing people through music. I do not regret all the time ive spent on this passion. It wears me out, and I often have no idea what Im doing, but ive played this game for a while, so why not a little longer? Ive decided Im just gunna do this till i die and thats good enough...

SO here I am, finally focusing on one musical project, myself. Olivia May. And it's weird. It's lonely, its all on me. Its my project, I have amazing musical collaborators and I seek out lots of help in making the right decisions, and I am so very grateful. Strategy is everything, branding is everything, finding your truth is Everything! Social media is now EVERYTHING, and its a consistent battle to remember that I am suppose to be active, all the time.. But being the hermit I am, its a bit daunting. It's intrusive. I fight this battle everyday. Learning how to market myself to get closer to my goals is a daily class that I am having to research. I realize im in school everyday - no college for what I want. Only diligence, luck and timing. I know I could possibly never reach the end goal (epic world tours, acting and singing in Lady Gaga/Gwen Stefani/Alanis Morrisette's biopics, countless songs in amazing tv shows and blockbuster movies) but knowing my goal FINALLY has been most of the battle. What do I want?! It's been a question that has haunted me for all my years. Because apparently "Everything" isnt the right answer, no matter how true it is! Ha!

I've been thinking a lot about how to be "different" - i know that i have something no one else has, because no one is me, i am no one else, we are all special in that very weird way. Making videos to make my youtube active, before the music video for TONIGHT drops, racking my brain, what is it that i want to visually express? And i land on modern dance most every time I ponder and meditate on it. My body physically desires to move in odd weird and unexplainable ways. I know in this direction i should follow. Be myself. Be authentic, follow your internal guidance.

I know im rambling, and scattered from topic to topic, but all of this is a journey i am truly grateful for. I have always been supported by family and friends while taking this trek into music as well as all my other creative endeavors. I've been thinking a lot about wanting to do more, for others. Is making music enough? Should I be doing something else that s more helpful? I always try and do a check in to make sure I am actually following my desires truthfully. I end up right back to where I am. The mind is such an incessant questioner. Time to meditate. thanks for reading. Be well.